


Lord, What Fools These Mortals Be

by FunnyWings



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas is so done, Crack, Humor, Love Spell, Lovesick Dean, M/M, Meddling Gabriel, Midsummer Night's Dream, Power of True Love or whatever, Prank Wars, References to Shakespeare, Sam Is So Done, bad iambic pentameter, but it's only a small amount of the story don't worry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 20:23:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9014947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FunnyWings/pseuds/FunnyWings
Summary: Lightly inspired by A Midsummer Night's Dream, this story in five acts will feature magic, mystery, love, and everybody's favorite archangel.Also, if you didn't want to read Dean speaking in iambic pentameter, I don't know what to tell you.





	

In Kansas shall we lay our scene today,  
and among three fools the divine shall play.  
For he who has made the trick a fair art,  
shall for fair companionship, play his part.  
But quiet, speak not lest these victims hear,  
they can not be warned that trouble draws near.

 

***ACT I***

“Dean!” yelled Sam outside his brother’s room. “Dean, are you going to sulk all night?”

“Go away.”

“So what, Cas beat you at scrabble. He’s like a billion years old. Deal with it.”

The door opened and Dean ducked his head out and glared at Sam.

“I’m trying to do a little thing called sleeping. We have been hunting nonstop for weeks and I finally get a vacation and you and Cas gang up on me for no reason-“

“Oh come on, it was a little funny-“

“Just let me tell you playing scrabble with Cas was pretty much the last thing I wanted to do tonight. The very last thing was play scrabble with you. It’s the opposite of relaxing. But, you know what? Sometimes you have to take one for the team, so I did. And then you and him cheated-“

“We didn’t cheat.”

“Really? So that wasn’t you texting him the answers?”

“What? No,” said Sam with feigned innocence.

“Claire and I are literally the only people who text Cas. I know I wasn’t texting him and Cas wasn’t wearing his Claire smile, so that leaves.. oh right. You.”

“Claire smile?” Sam asked incredulously. Dean turned a little red before brushing past it.

“You know what? Doesn’t matter. You guys had your fun, it’s all good. Just let me get a good night’s sleep okay?”

Sam rolled his eyes and nodded. He started to leave before Dean called after him.

“And I’m going to spend half the night dreaming up how to get back at you for your little prank Sam. When it all goes to hell just remember you started it.”

Sam snickered as Dean slammed the door and locked it for good measure. He wasn’t usually one to start things like this, but… Dean had seemed a little down recently and he thought it might make him a touch more relaxed. Especially if he won. Not that Sam would let that happen.

He went back to the library to see Cas reading. He peeked from behind the book before he saw it was just Sam and relaxed.

“Is he still mad?” asked Castiel. Sam shook his head, but Castiel didn’t seem to believe him. “I thought you said that pranks were supposed to be fun.”

“They are fun.”

“I don’t like being yelled at. I fail to see how that’s fun,” Cas said, going back to reading his book. “I’m uncertain whether or not I want to participate in this so called prank war.”

Sam frowned and took pity on the angel and sat next to him.

“You know… Dean’s not always mad when he yells right?”

“I know enough of humanity to understand there’s a strong correlation between the two, though,” said Castiel not looking up from his book. Sam thought about offering his apology for anything he might have done to make Cas feel uncomfortable but the start of it was cut off by Castiel rolling his eyes. “I’m sure I’ll find the will to recover.”

Sam clapped Castiel on the shoulder.

“There you go. Now, I need to go hide all the bacon in the fridge.”

“I thought these were pranks, not acts of cruelty,” said Castiel. Sam just smiled mischievously and walked off to go do what he had said. Castiel stayed where he was, determined not to have further involvement in this childish game. It seemed to him that the world had made enough of a cruel mockery of the Winchesters without them needing to do the same to themselves.

Though, now that he thought of it, he wouldn’t put it like that if either of them were to ask.

So Castiel set himself to reading, and as the hours stretched on and night fell, he found his eyelids growing heavy, unnaturally so. He tried to fight against the weight that was sleep, but lost the battle swiftly as a spell of slumber was cast over the entirety of the bunker.

And so the angel Gabriel appeared.

“Well,” he said, looking down at his sleeping brother. “That went well.”

Gabriel placed two fingers on Castiel’s forehead in order to divine the location of the elder Winchester’s room. The information appeared sluggishly, and Gabriel had a feeling even in sleep Castiel was resisting this invasion of his head.

“Thanks little bro,” said Gabriel when he’d finally gotten what he needed. “Look, I know you can’t hear me, but just know that I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t have a very good reason. Well, you probably wouldn’t think it’s a good reason, but whatever. If nothing else, it’ll be pretty funny and if works out the way I’m planning, who knows? You might even thank me. You know what, fuck it. This is going to work, so… you’re welcome.”

Castiel didn’t respond. Because he was asleep. Oh well, some people are just ingrates.

Gabriel wound his way through the halls. Finally he found his way to exactly where he needed to be. The door was locked, but hey, since when had that stopped him? A flick of his wrist and he was set.

“So,” said Gabriel to a sleeping Dean Winchester. “Here’s the thing. You ever heard of the goddess Aphrodite?”

He paused. No answer. Working without an audience really was a drag.

“Course you have. Things have been a shaking in the Greek pantheon and the great Hephaestus is no more, may he rest in peace and all that jazz. Now, I’ve been laying low a while, as I’m sure you would have figured out if you were conscious, but what can I say? The heart wants what it wants. Here’s the rub though, I need to get Aphrodite a wedding gift or she’s going to eat me. And not in the fun way. The wedding’s in four days, and I’ve got a few backups, but what my fiancee really wants is to see a certain love story she’s been following reach… let’s say a bit of resolution. Love goddesses, they get invested in this sort of thing. Personally I find the endless tragedy of all of your lives amusing, but… well, happy spouse, happy house.”

As Gabriel finished his little speech he pulled out a flower from thin air. He twirled it deftly between his fingers before presenting it tot he sleeping form in front of him.

“I know, I know. So Shakespearian. But you know what they say: art imitates life.”

Gabriel crushed the petals over Dean Winchester’s eyes as he lay sleeping. He waited as two drops fell and the spell infused itself within the human. Then Gabriel slapped him.

“Up and at ‘em,” he said. Dean instantly reached for the knife by his bedside before even opening his eyes, blindly ready to attack whoever had hit him, but as soon as his eyes opened he froze as though he had just been struck again. Gabriel winked. “Guess who’s not dead.”

Then he disappeared.

 

 

***ACT II***

Sam didn’t notice Castiel was sleeping when he passed the library, or he might have immediately known something was wrong. Instead he made his way to the kitchen in order to make himself breakfast and saw Dean sat against the wall. Something was obviously bothering him, though Sam wasn’t sure he had the energy without breakfast to deal with whatever it was.

“Morning,” he muttered. Dean looked up and then glanced at his wrist confirming the time.

“I suppose even these slow lonely hours  
like their more lively brothers are devoured,  
but I could not imagine the world light  
while my beloved has fled from my sight.”

Sam waited all of two seconds before breaking out into laughter. Jesus Christ, he wasn’t sure if this even counted as a prank. Dean’s spiteful glare in respond to his laughter just made the entire thing about five times funnier, and it was a full minute before he could finally convince himself to stop.

“You spend all night writing that?” asked Sam, wiping tears from his eyes at having laughed so hard. Dean stood and pushed past him before striding into the hallway. Sam wasn’t sure if this was part of the prank or if Dean was legitimately upset, but he figured either way it would be a bad idea to follow him, so instead he sat down and ate some breakfast.

After that he figured that Dean wasn’t patient enough to wait this long to pull some sort of prank on him so he got up to go looking for him. He eventually found Dean sitting in a hallway and strumming some archaic instrument he must have found in one of the storage rooms. It had seven strings and he was singing in Italian. Not Latin, Italian. Sam started to wonder if maybe Dean hadn’t gone looking for something to get back at him or Cas the night before and managed to curse himself. It would explain the breakfast poetry.

“Dean,” he said cautiously. “What are you doing?”

Dean stopped playing the instrument and let out a long, very un-Dean-like sigh.

“I’ve been playing.”

“Okay. Why?”

“I have not by mere praying,  
drawn the eye of an angel I love well.”

“Cas?” said Sam, eyebrows raising. Not that that would be bad or anything, just… it was pretty clear that something weird was happening.

“No. I love the angel Gabriel.”

There was three seconds of silence before Sam realized exactly what had just been said.

“I’m going to kill that asshole,” he muttered darkly before leaving Dean to his lovesick strumming. First order of action, find Cas. Second order of action, homicide. Angelcide? Whatever, to put it simply there was going to be one less halo in the sky after today.

Castiel clawed his way out of the supernaturally induced sleep he’d been subjected to at last. It was just as he was blinking and attempting to sit up in his chair that Sam stormed into the room and found him. He wasn’t nearly awake enough to comprehend the words that were coming out of Sam’s mouth.

“…so he’s not even dead. He just decided not to do anything about the absolute shitshow that has been going on for years, and if that’s not bad enough, the first thing he does when he gets back is mess with us again. The stupid fucking bastard-“

“You lost me,” Castiel cut in, stifling a yawn. Sam finally seemed to see him. Castiel eventually realized he should be alarmed that he’d just been sleeping. He hoped Sam and Dean were all right. “Have we been attacked?”

“You don’t feel like talking in sonnets, do you?” asked Sam, narrowing his eyes at Castiel warily. Cas scrunched up his eyebrows in confusion.

“My speech patterns are the same as they always are,” he responded slowly. He paused. “Do you… want me to speak in sonnets?”

“No.”

“I’m sorry, is this part of the prank war? Is there some sort of reference I’m meant to understand here, because I don’t get it.”

Sam took several deep breaths and decided to tell Castiel as calmly as he could manage what had happened.

“It turns out Gabriel is still alive. From what I pieced together Dean saw him last night, and now he’s talking like a fifth grader’s attempt to imitate Shakespeare and keeps saying he’s in love with Gabriel.”

“That… certainly seems out of character,” said Castiel, utterly baffled. He was still too tired for this conversation. “But why would Gabriel do that? His tricks, unlike your petty prank wars, usually serve some sort of purpose. This seems… silly at best.”

“Silly?”

“Dean’s not in any danger, is he?”

Sam paused.

“I guess not. But I’d rather watch him die a few dozen more times than listen to him sing. In Italian. About Gabriel.”

“While I’m sure that’s quite distressing, I prefer Dean Winchester to be alive,” said Castiel. Still he wanted his friend back to normal as soon as possible, and… it was unpleasant the more he thought about it to have someone else compel your heart to feel love. Castiel had been compelled to do many things in his life, and he wouldn’t wish the feeling on his worst enemy, let alone his best friend. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Sam seemed to take heart at that, and gave a gesture that indicated he wished Cas success, even if he still really wanted to stab an archangel with a spear, preferably one soaked in holy oil and lit on fire.

Castiel was loosely interpreting, but he suspected he wasn’t far off the mark.

Cas found it easy to locate Dean by following the sound of music. He… actually found it rather pleasant to listen to. It was a pity it was the result of the spell. He wished momentarily that Dean sang more often. Sometimes he would do so loudly, always in his car and always to annoy his brother and because of that Castiel had not thought he had much of a voice to speak of. Apparently he was wrong.

And if he waited a minute behind a corner to listen, no one needed to know.

“Dean,” Castiel said, breaking into Dean’s playing. Dean looked up at him and smiled suddenly.

“My dear sweet friend, sit down next to me here,  
I have questions, will you lend me an ear?”

Castiel could see how this could get annoying. He still sat down, if only because it might lend some clue as to what was wrong with Dean.

“You have questions?” Castiel prompted. Dean nodded, before staring off into space, as though he were imagining as he spoke. It was disconcerting. Dean was always very present when he spoke to Castiel, and usually maintained a certain degree of eye contact. Now he was just drifting, as though he were dreaming.

“Now what might I want to ask of you, Cas?” he started slowly. “I love one I offended years past. Tell me, as the only one I do know: how would an angel turn to friend from foe?”

Castiel had barely listened, because in the middle of Dean’s question he had turned and Castiel had caught sight of the problem. Obsession shined from Dean’s eyes, and Castiel knew exactly what Gabriel had done to Dean. There was a flower that enchanted whoever’s eyes it touched to become obsessed with the first thing they saw.

Unfortunately, Castiel also knew the antidote, and that presented an unfortunate complication.

Dean glared in frustration at Castiel’s lack of answer. He went back to strumming.

“I forget, angels be cold, fickle things,” he said harshly, seeming angry despite the curse. “What chance have I, a poor man among kings?”

Well, even if there was little he could do about the original curse, he could at least stop Dean from speaking like a half wit. Castiel snapped his fingers, and Dean stopped strumming the instrument and stood up, putting it down looking confused. Castiel supposed that was something, at least.

Dean walked past him without even acknowledging him. That didn’t sting at all. Castiel followed him quietly back to the library where Dean nodded to his brother.

“Hey, Sammy,” he said before scanning the titles of the books on the shelf. Sam looked up to see Castiel.

“You fixed him?” he asked.

“Well-“

“Where are the books on summoning? Why don’t we have these organized in a way that’s actually fucking useful? I need Gabriel here now,” Dean said, rummaging through the shelves. Castiel looked at him and back at Sam helplessly.

“You didn’t fix him.”

“I can’t. The speech alteration was an afterthought, easily removed. The love spell is beyond my power to lift. It was a flower infused with the essence of a cupid’s bow. Only natural love or the spell caster themselves can break it.”

“So…”

“We need Gabriel to give us the antidote. Which means we need him alive and willing to cooperate with us.”

“So no stabbing?” Sam asked, sounding put out.

“No stabbing.”

The two were interrupted by Dean who looked just as put out as Sam did.

“How can we have two million books and none of them have anything about how to summon an archangel?” he asked. He frowned and then caught sight of Cas again, and seemed to get an idea. “Cas, you know how to find him right? Please, you need to help me do this. I have to see him.”

Castiel didn’t want to respond so he didn’t. Dean kept pestering him for a few minutes before he finally turned to Sam to complain about it. Castiel ignored this too. In truth he had no way to find Gabriel if the angel didn’t want to be found. It was lucky that Castiel had a sneaking suspicion that the archangel did want to be found. In fact, Cas had a fairly clear intuition that he might find Gabriel if he were to leave the bunker right that instant. He suspected Gabriel had planted the idea in his head, but as long as his absence went unnoticed, it couldn’t hurt to learn what the point of his brother’s foolishness was.

 

 

***ACT III***

“Gabriel,” Castiel said when he had made his way from the bunker doors. No one responded. “Stop being dramatic, I know you’re there.”

“Way to ruin an entrance,” said Gabriel, appearing in front of him. “So, enjoying the improvements I made to your boytoy?”

“What do you think, Gabriel?” said Castiel. He was irate, and figured sarcasm was called for in a situation like this. “Fix him.”

“Oh stop being aggressive and growly, it’s like hearing a kitten try to roar. In case you forgot I outrank you, Castiel. And my wings still work, so good luck chasing me down to make good on any threats you’re cooking up.”

“What’s the point of this, Gabriel?” asked Cas, disliking the knowledge that Gabriel was right both on the count that he could easily overpower Castiel and if he didn’t feel like doing so could also transport himself halfway across the world and Castiel would have little hope of finding or chasing after him.

“Oh don’t sound so helpless,” said Gabriel dismissively. “There’s another way to turn the carriage back into a pumpkin and we both know it. A friend of mine wants to see Winchester number one fall in love. I’m just forcing the issue. Not my usual shtick, but hey, the things we do for the ones we love. Isn’t that right, Castiel?”

“So I need to make Dean fall in love?” Castiel said, unwilling to wade through whatever else Gabriel had been trying to imply. Something about Cinderella. Castiel doubted it was relevant.

“By jove, I think he’s got it,” said Gabriel. “Within the next four days if you can manage.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know, what’s motivating?” Gabriel muttered to himself. “Ooh. How about if you don’t I’ll cause bodily harm to all three of you? That’s fun. Well, time’s a wasting. See ya in four days.”

Without another word Gabriel disappeared, leaving Castiel blinking at the space where he had been moments before. Gabriel could have been joking about severely injuring each of them, but… then again he could have been serious. It was difficult to tell.

Oh well. At least the way forward was clear. Castiel needed to find someone for Dean to fall in love with. Within four days. Wonderful.

Sam didn’t seem to think much of the odds either.

“We’re fucked,” said Sam as soon as he heard what had happened. He’d had to hide all the summoning gear from Dean, who had tried to summon actual demons to figure out where Gabriel was. He’d also told Dean that angels liked it when you drew pictures for them, and Dean had spent the last few hours quietly drawing in the library. “Oh God, we’re so totally fucked.”

“I have a plan,” said Castiel. Sam groaned as he hit his head against the wall.

“Then we’re double fucked,” he said, emphasizing each word with a hit of his head against the wall.

“I’ll try not to be offended by that,” said Castiel. Sam mumbled an apology and the two of them heard stirring that meant Dean had decided to get up and come find them. Sam looked at Castiel in silent question. Castiel tried to look confident. “Follow my lead.”

“Cas,” said Dean as soon as he walked in. “Have you seen Gabriel? Did you go see him? Why didn’t you take me with you? What the hell man?”

“I did,” Castiel said, clearing his throat uncomfortably before trying to start his ruse. Why was it always so hard to lie to Dean? It was for his own good, and Castiel knew Dean would do the same were the positions reversed. Dean wasn’t in his right mind, he needed to be cured. Castiel took a deep breath and forged ahead into the story he had come up with. “But with good reason, Dean. Gabriel… isn’t convinced you really love him.”

Sam’s eyes widened, but when Dean looked at him for confirmation he just nodded, trusting that Castiel knew what he was doing. Dean seemed deflate from the hyperactive state he’d been in since the spell had started, and melt into despair that tugged at something in Castiel’s chest. He hated the look of sadness he’d put on Dean’s face even if he knew it was both ridiculous and not reflective of Dean’s true feelings.

“He isn’t?” Dean said quietly. “But I do love him, Cas. So much.”

“I know,” Castiel got out through gritted teeth. “But… Gabriel did tell me how you could prove it to him.”

It was like a switch was flipped. Suddenly Dean was as animated as Castiel had ever seen him and he pulled Castiel into a backbreaking hug before backing up and smiling like he had one the lottery.

“Thank you, Cas, thank you! What do I have to do? C’mon man, tell me. I’ll do anything.”

“Anything?” Castiel asked in alarm forgetting the plan for a moment. He was going to have to be careful with this version of Dean. Anything… stretched a lot farther than it should with him. “Gabriel doesn’t want you putting yourself in harm’s way. Ever. Understood?”

“Yeah, okay whatever. Just tell me what I have to do,” said Dean, already getting testy at not being able to immediately start convincing Gabriel that he was really in love with the angel.

“Well,” Castiel said. “He wants you to go out to a bar and… fall in love with someone else.”

It seemed even through the haze of the spell, Dean wasn’t going to buy that. Dean’s eyes narrowed at Castiel, and it looked as though he were going to respond hostilely, but luckily Sam came in to save the day.

“What Cas means is that… Gabriel’s an angel. He’s not linked to one vessel. How’s he supposed to know that you really like him for him if you’ve only seen him in one body?”

Dean’s suspicions seemed to fade as he considered that and Castiel breathed a sigh of relief. He gave Sam a grateful glance.

“Yes,” he affirmed. “And… he wants to see if you can tell when it’s him. You’ll be able to tell if you’re really in love with him, was what he said.”

Theoretically, Dean would look to see qualities he could love in each person and assume that because he loved them, they must be from Gabriel. Chances of success were slim, but it was better than nothing.

“Of course I’ll be able to tell,” Dean said with a smile. “Well what are we waiting for? Let’s go.”

“Now?” asked Sam. “It’s like two.”

“True love doesn’t care what time it is,” said Dean with a wink. “I’m taking the Impala. See you losers later.”

Oh, this wouldn’t do.

“I’ll go with,” Castiel said, quickly. He couldn’t have Dean sleeping with anyone unless the spell had broken. He might delude himself into thinking they were Gabriel. “I’ll be able to tell if it’s really him. We… wouldn’t want him getting the wrong idea if you make a mistake.”

Dean paused, caught somewhere between anger and insecurity.

“I’ll be able to tell,” he said insistently. Castiel stared him down until his resolve crumbled. “But… it’s not cheating if you’re there is it?”

“No of course not, Dean,” Castiel said. “I’m just trying to help you. I promise.”

That part at least was true, and something like clarity seemed to come over Dean for perhaps a second before he simply nodded at Castiel to follow and went down to his car. Castiel spared a last look at Sam before he followed. He was certain Sam would spend the time researching some other way to cure Dean while they were gone.

 

 

***ACT IV***

It was the third night of the ordeal and Castiel had never before understood the desire to scream in frustration.

They had been run out of twelve bars at last count, and Castiel suspected that if their pictures weren’t being spread as a warning already, they would be soon. He was going to have to adjust a lot of memories if he wanted to find a place to drink within a few hours of the bunker in the near future.

The plan should have worked. It would have with anyone else, but unfortunately Dean was… well a hunter. He would start out friendly with each person, but it would quickly turn into him trying to outwit them into admitting they were Gabriel and the more certain he was that the person he was talking to could be the archangel, the more insistent he was about trying to figure it out. One woman who had had a sense of humor that was unfortunately quite similar to Gabriel’s must have considered getting a restraining order against Dean when he’d proclaimed his love for her, loudly and insistently. Castiel had luckily managed to pull him away from the frightened woman and convince him that it wasn’t Gabriel and “don’t be upset Dean, he’s not here and he didn’t hear you get it wrong”. Castiel had dragged Dean out of that bar, but the rest of the time it had been ‘highly suggested’ that they leave.

So they were here, and Castiel didn’t even really want to think about it.

“Really, Cas?” said Dean skeptically. “A whore house?”

I’m just copying you, Castiel thought in his head.

“Gabriel… has appeared in pornography as a joke before. He could be here.”

That appeared to be all Dean needed to hear before he happily made his way in. Castiel was less happy to do so. The sadness that lingered in this place sank into his bones, and he remembered the horror he had felt at the thought of intercourse with someone that didn’t want him. It was a bad idea, and the realization made Castiel stop Dean even before he had really walked in.

“No, you’re right. Gabriel wouldn’t be here,” Castiel said, trying to lead Dean out. He met more resistance than he expected and turned to see Dean staring at someone. Oh no. “Dean we should go.”

“Cas, tell me if I’m wrong,” Dean said back looking at not one of the prostitutes, but a man sat at one of the tables that was chewing on a candy bar and looking at the both of them. He looked nothing like Gabriel’s usual vessel, but Castiel still knew instantly it was Gabriel and wondered what the hell the archangel thought he was doing. Before Dean could rush over to see him, the archangel disappeared and then reappeared behind the door, returned to his normal vessel.

“Let’s chat, shall we?” he said. Dean’s entire face lit up and he stared at Gabriel adoringly, even as the archangel turned and started walking away. Dean was quick to follow and Castiel wasn’t going to leave Dean alone with Gabriel for even a second. Who knew what mischief Gabriel might try.

“I recognized you,” said Dean proudly. “I knew I would. So?”

“So what?” asked Gabriel, as though he didn’t know. Castiel stared at him wondering what his angle was. Dean seemed to falter.

“So you know I love you,” Dean said softly, glancing at Cas for reassurance Castiel couldn’t give. “Isn’t this what you wanted?”

Gabriel wasted no time shooting him down.

“Look, Dean-o, I’m sorry buddy but the feeling’s not mutual.”

Dean looked like he’d just been hit by a truck.

“Trust me, it’s not you, it’s me. I’m getting married tomorrow and you know how those kinds of things go among gods. Infidelity starts wars, and I don’t even want to think about divorce. That could level a continent. No hard feelings.”

“Gabriel, what are you doing?” Castiel asked, watching Dean’s face fall more and more as he went on.

“I’m just setting the record straight,” said Gabriel with a smirk at Castiel. Castiel was really wishing he had invested in Sam’s stabbing plan about now. Gabriel disappeared and Castiel watched as Dean swallowed hard and then took off running. Castiel had no idea he could run quite that fast and it was a struggle trying to keep up with him, especially when Dean seemed to keen to get away from him. He almost lost him a few minutes into the chase, and only managed to find him by following the cry of pain he heard. When he finally located Dean, it was to see that he had managed to break his hand, bones splitting out of the skin, from hitting a brick wall. Castiel winced as he saw Dean smash his hand into it again after examining it for a second.

“Dean,” he said, catching the fist before it could land. “Please don’t.”

Dean tried to shrug out of his grip, shoulders shaking with silent sobs. Cas pulled him into an awkward half hug, and tried to adjust as Dean sank to the ground until his back was against the wall and he was half leaning on Cas, his broken fist oozing blood onto Castiel’s coat. Cas let go of his arm and let Dean have his moment of weakness before he tried to address what should be done about the hand.

“Let me fix it,” Cas said. Practically demanded. Dean didn’t say anything at first, but at last he presented his hand and Castiel knit the bones back together and mended the skin. Good as new. Dean didn’t seem to think so. He stared down at the hand Castiel had fixed and flexed as though he were trying to figure out what exactly was wrong with it. Castiel’s heart ached to see it. He covered the hand with his own to stop Dean from scrutinizing it. “You’re fine.”

“No I’m not,” said Dean. He sounded almost lucid. Castiel wondered for a moment if Gabriel had broken the spell before Dean went on. “There’s just something wrong with me. That’s why he doesn’t want me. If I could just figure out what it was I would fix it.”

Castiel didn’t have the words to make it better. So he let Dean mumble on about how he could try to win over Gabriel. He let him scheme and plot and suggest bargains. He listened to every word, murmuring answers every once in a while until Dean’s suggestions got further and further between and he eventually sleepily curled into Castiel’s side as he kept talking. It was only an hour or two before dawn when he finally fell asleep.

Cas watched the sunrise of the final day he had to find someone that Dean could love. He reached out a hand to rub small circles against Dean’s back, using his grace to free Dean of any physical pain sleeping in an awkward position might have caused him. He didn’t notice Dean stirring as he began to speak.

“If I knew how to take the pain away, I would,” Castiel said, watching the sun. “It’s cruel, how Gabriel cursed you. I should have known. Love… hurts as the song goes.”

Castiel started at the laugh that caused. Dean took advantage of it to sit up straight and stretch before looking at Cas again.

“You know that song?” he asked, sounding amused. Sounding normal. Perhaps… Gabriel might have healed him.

But he couldn’t have. Castiel, although not as powerful as Gabriel, would still have known if the archangel had cured Dean sometime in the night.

“I… do,” Castiel said as he tried to puzzle it out. The only obvious solution, considering this is the first time Dean had gone five minutes without mentioning Gabriel was that Dean had fallen in love. But with who? Castiel couldn’t think of anyone they had met in the last several days that had seemed to particularly appeal to Dean, and he hadn’t actually fallen for Gabriel or the spell would be just as strong as it had been before.

“Love hurts, love scars,” Dean half sung, half spoke, laughing again. “Too fucking right it does.”

“I like it when you sing,” Castiel said absentmindedly, still trying to figure out who exactly it was Dean might have fallen for. Perhaps he should try to find the woman Dean had thought was Gabriel and see if it was her. She seemed the most likely candidate.

“Huh. Maybe I’ll do it more often then. It’ll annoy Sam, too, so,” said Dean. He stopped smiling as the sadness that had plagued him the previous night seemed to catch up to him. Castiel looked at him and could see obsession once more seeping its way into his being. “I wonder if Gabriel would have liked hearing me sing.”

This was impossible, Castiel thought to himself. Dean at moments seemed almost cured and then he would revert back to his lovesick state. Castiel knew there was no one from any of the bars they had met that Dean was in love with. He knew it. So what was happening?

Wait. No. It couldn’t be that…

It was certainly an interesting hypothesis. And one that Castiel desperately wanted to test, but… he had to be sure first. Start subtle and see if… But it wasn’t possible that…

Cas took the hand that he had healed the night before with the muttered excuse that he was making sure he’d done it right, and when Dean didn’t resist he slowly interlaced their fingers and then dropped both their hands to the side. He glanced over at Dean to see that he had instantly won Dean’s full attention.

“Um…” Dean said, glancing down at the hand Castiel was holding and then back up at him. “Cas?”

It wasn’t a very encouraging response, but Cas could see the obsession leaking from Dean’s eyes, draining slowly away. He swallowed and then reached with his other hand to stroke Dean’s cheek, much to the man’s shock. Obsession flowed even quicker out of him even as Dean seemed to be trying to shift from under Castiel’s touch.

“Look, I’m pretty sure I’ve had the boundaries talk with you before,” Dean said pointedly, and Castiel felt the urge to instantly back away and give Dean space. He dropped the hand that was on Dean’s face but didn’t stop holding his hand. He took a deep breath and screwed up his courage before turning to face Dean completely.

“I think I found a way,” Castiel said, trying to sound like he knew what he was doing. Trying to sound like he wasn’t terrified. “Of helping you get over Gabriel.”

Obsession reared its ugly head at the name, but for once the spell worked in his favor, because Dean hunched forward at the reminder of his pain, and normal behavior seemed to lose meaning as the spell regained some of his hold on him.

“Okay,” Dean agreed instantly. Castiel stared at him.

“You don’t know what I was going to say.”

“So what? I don’t want to feel like this.”

Castiel couldn’t take advantage. He couldn’t.

“Dean,” he said. “I… I don’t want to force you into anything. It’s only… the spell seems to fade when I-“

“When you touch me. I kind of figured that out. Like right now but still,” Dean said, sounding much more like his usual self. He raised an eyebrow. “So do we just have to hold hands or someth-“

Before he could talk himself out of it, Cas lurched forward and planted a kiss on Dean’s lips. It was so quick there was no information available on whether or not Dean had been responsive to it, and in all honesty Castiel was expecting a fist to the face. It was a long few seconds before he finally managed to meet Dean’s eyes.

The spell was gone. So there was that at least.

“That was kind of weak sauce, Cas,” said Dean casually. Looking slightly away from Cas as he finished his sentence. “Don’t know how you’re supposed to get rid of this magic shit without properly laying one on me.”

But the spell was already gone and—oh. Dean was lying. So that Cas would kiss him again. And for a longer period of time. Right. He could play along with that.

“Apologies,” Castiel said, trying not to give away the fact that he knew Dean wasn’t being honest. “Let me try again.”

He leaned in slowly this time, giving Dean time to back out or ask for space. Dean didn’t. Instead he kept completely still until at long last Castiel had leaned forward enough that there was the barest amount of pressure against Dean’s lips. And that’s when he leaned into it, and Cas without thinking dropped his hand in order to try to… pull him closer perhaps? He wasn’t sure logistically how that would work, but that didn’t stop his hands from trying. It was a long time before he let Dean come up for air.

“I don’t know, Cas,” Dean said after he’d caught his breath. “Still not sure it worked.”

“Oh it worked,” came a very unwelcome and very smug voice. Dean and Cas practically jumped apart and turned to see Gabriel standing hand in hand with a very beautiful woman who seemed to glow in the early morning light. “Your present,” Gabriel said to her. “Hope you like it, babe.”

“Love. What a beautiful gift,” she said with a happy sigh. “You’ll make me a good spouse.”

“Hell yeah I will. Why don’t you go take care of some of our arrangements and I’ll wrap up with these chuckleheads,” Gabriel offered. Aphrodite nodded and returned to Olympus where the preparations were. Gabriel stayed right where he was. “So… you’re welcome.”

“I vote we let Sam kill him,” Castiel said instantly.

“Seconded,” added Dean.

“Who knew you two in the honeymoon process would be so violent?” said Gabriel, seemingly unconcerned about their threats to kill him. “Oh come on. All’s well that end’s well, right?”

“I vote we let Sam kill him slowly for making me talk like a jackass,” said Dean.

“I swear, you try and do a nice thing,” Gabriel muttered. “No good deed goes unpunished, huh? Whatever. I’m sure you two want alone time. Don’t let me keep you from working out your unreasonable anger at me with all of the awesome sex you can now start having because of my little trick.”

“Go to hell,” said Dean.

“No thanks. Persephone and Hades are kind of downers. Though I do have a wedding to get to. I’d invite you, but I don’t want to. Good bye for now.”

And so Gabriel flew from there too.

 

 

***ACT V***

Castiel and Dean exchanged glances, before each looked away from the other. They’d walked all the way back to the car in complete silence, and both found it equally unnerving.

“So…” Dean started, not knowing where to go from that first word. He hadn’t actually prepared a sentence, he had just sort of been hoping words would leave his mouth. “So…”

“You love me,” Castiel said. “And I love you.”

“Well, when you say it like that-“

“Someone had to,” Castiel said wearily. “I’m just pointing out the facts. What we choose to do with them… that’s up to us. But empirically, you must love me, or it wouldn’t have worked.”

“Can you try not to be a robot about this Cas?”

“I’ll do my best,” Castiel said tiredly as he settled into the passenger seat and stared steadily out the window. He ignored when Dean opened his own door and sat down in the driver’s seat. Dean didn’t start the car and Cas didn’t look at him.

“Are you mad at me?” Dean asked at last. “Because I didn’t ask for this. If it bothers you-“

“It doesn’t.”

“Then what’s the fucking issue with the whole,” Dean paused for a moment before forcing the word out. “Love, thing?”

“I don’t have a problem with it.”

“Well, good cause neither do I.”

“Fine.”

“Fine,” Dean huffed back, sounding pissed. A certain amount of self-awareness seemed to hit him a moment later. “Why are we arguing?”

“I don’t know. I’m trying not to be a robot.”

“Very funny, Cas,” Dean muttered, finally starting the car. He started the thirty minute drive back to the bunker and seemed to relax slightly after a few minutes had gone by. “I’m sorry I called you a robot. Are you happy now?”

“I don’t know.”

“How can you not know?” asked Dean and Castiel recognized that voice. He’d had enough practice over the past few days attempting to console Dean about his insecurities every time he worried over whether or not Gabriel liked him. Castiel didn’t know how to describe what he was feeling, but he didn’t want to cause Dean uncertainty, so he supposed he could try at least to explain.

“It… makes me happy that you love me,” he started softly. “But I already knew that. It’s a different type of love, but love none the less. I would have been happy with either. I’m concerned that you’ll think less of me as whatever I am now than when I was only your friend. I’m worried about the future and what that might look like. I’m scared because the last time I ever… was with someone in that way, I woke up tied to a chair and was tortured and killed. I’m terrified that I’ll do something wrong and I’ll hurt you. It’s not an unfounded fear, so don’t tell me it is. I’m… I’m not built for this Dean. You put it best. I am in many ways, essentially a robot. Or at least the supernatural equivalent. I was built to carry out orders relayed by a higher power, not process all of… this. So, in other words, I just don’t know how I feel right now.”

That seemed to stun Dean into a kind of silence. Cas went back to staring out the window, and although he felt Dean slip his hand into Castiel’s own, he didn’t look back. Instead he gave a squeeze to show it was welcome and hoped Dean wouldn’t push the issue.

“Okay,” was all Dean said about it. It wasn’t until they were turning down the road that led into the bunker’s garage that Dean finally spoke again. “For what it’s worth, this doesn’t have to change anything. If you don’t want it to.”

Castiel didn’t say anything. Dean stopped driving.

“But on the other hand, things could definitely change. A lot,” said Dean. “Like we could go back to that thing we were doing earlier. If you’re okay.”

He meant kissing, which was a pleasant thought. Castiel rather enjoyed it even. It was easier to think about than the more emotional aspects of his relationship with Dean.

“I think I might find that… agreeable.”

“That’s not really a yes, Cas,” Dean pointed out. “You gotta say it’s okay, because you’re not the only one that’s worried about shit okay? I’ve got my own crap to deal with, and maybe I’m better at it than you and maybe I’m not, but I’m willing to give this a shot, okay? And if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t. It’ll suck, and I’ll get over it, and we can be friends again.”

“My knowledge of normal human behavior would suggest that’s not usually what happens when two people break up,” Castiel said.

“Yeah, well we aren’t normal humans, so maybe stop trying to figure out what’s normal and go with what feels good. And you said I make you feel good, right Cas?” Dean asked, looking at him open and hopeful. Cas nodded, almost feeling hypnotized by the way Dean was looking at him. “You gotta say it.”

“I love you in every way,” Castiel said. “And I want you in every way. Is that satisfactory?”

A lapful of hunter would indicate the answer was yes.

“So,” Dean said into Castiel’s ear, after having shared a few kisses with him. “Here’s the thing. With all the Gabriel crap we’ve been dealing with, I never got to get back at Sam for the scrabble thing.”

“And that’s relevant because…?” Castiel asked. He was honestly tired of talking. He’d rather get back to kissing. It was more fun and less stressful.

“You’re going to help me win in general. Forever.”

“How exactly am I going to do that?”

Castiel found out how. It was… an illusion that he knew would cause a certain amount of emotional distress, but Dean had assured him multiple times it was all in good fun. He supposed he would have to trust him on that.

Sam was very relieved to hear that the spell had broken on Dean and was… quite oddly unimpressed that Castiel had been the one to break it. He hadn’t made a comment either way and had practically shrugged when Dean had outright asked him if it bothered him.

“You do you,” Castiel recalled the younger Winchester saying.

He was much less forgiving when Castiel made it appear as though all of his hair was missing. There was quite a lot of shouting involved. When everything had finally settled down, Cas removed the spell and asked Sam if Dean had as he hoped “won in general. Forever.”

Sam had looked up and said with a straight face that Dean wouldn’t even know what hit him next time.

They all kind of forgot about killing Gabriel in the aftermath of that prank, and when Gabriel checked in several months later and invisible to all, he figured he’d done his job well. Aphrodite would be happy when he told her that her last little love story was still happily in their ever after. She’s already moved on to a new pair to watch fall in love, but she did sometimes like to hear about old favorites.

******

So departs the trickster, merry and bright,  
knowing now that true love does conquer spite.  
And if he only saw means after ends,  
new light in heavy hearts has made amends.  
Lovers never know the ends of their tales,  
we finish ere grief. Goodbye and farewell.

**Author's Note:**

> I think if we just collectively pretend to think the poetry is bad on purpose, I'll feel better. Let me know if you liked it, and happy Hanukkah/Christmas Eve/Saturday.


End file.
